Frustrations...

Ever just feel frustrated? Yeah, me too. I just feel so claustrophobic right now; like I am suffocating. It is not a good feeling. Oh boy, here comes one of those rant entries.

It’s like I don’t even care to become successful. I don’t put forth the effort, and everything just seems like so much work at the time. I put it off, put it off, and put it off, until I have no more time to do anything. I feel like even if I try, I won’t get anywhere. I know this is a terrible attitude to have and I will get NO WHERE with it, but I feel like I’m starting to lose my mind. I’ve heard before the journey can be rough, but what they don’t tell you is the road to success not only has bumps, but potholes, sharp corners, wrong ways, road blocks, dead ends, missed turns and not even a gas station attendant to give you directions. Not only that, it feels like my car was stolen and I’m now walking across the country – and that would take a pretty long time.

So why do I feel frustrated? Why am I going crazy? Well, I think a lot of it has to do with where I want to be and where I am. I know these little analogies can get silly, but it really feels like I have to swim across the Atlantic. I truly believe that everyone is born with an inner drive to be successful, and I think my drive is starting to get upset that I have yet to pave a road. Think about it, when you were younger how big were your dreams? Talk to any young child and they can ramble on for hours about what they want to do. What happens to that??? When does that start to fade away? Is it when we meet Mr. Reality? Is it because other people start to lose focus on their dreams and dedicate the rest of their life to steal yours? I really don’t know…

I have felt my inner drive for as long as I can remember. I remember being back in grade school and telling my mom, “When I grow up, I am going to buy you a red Mustang convertible!” This is her favorite car, and I truly believed that I would do it. I remember hearing my parents argue about money and me saying, “I am going to get money when I am older so you guys never have to fight again!” Even if these might have been only two examples of what you hear all children say, I was very adamant about them. I knew that I was going to do them. Where does that feeling go?

Let’s talk about reality for a minute. What is reality? Why do people use reality as an excuse for things rather than trying to change it? If someone says “I was going to be rich, but then reality sunk in,” essentially, aren’t they saying, “I was going to be rich, until I realized how much work it was going to be?” What does reality sink into?! WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?! Don’t people realize that there is such a thing as rich people in the world? How does a millionaire view reality? A billionaire? Someone who works 50 hours per week and is dead broke? Isn’t reality, in essence, what we perceive? If that is the case, if I were to change my perception, would I affect my own reality? If I were to truly dedicate myself 110% to becoming successful, wouldn’t I have to become it? Maybe…

Please don’t take me saying “they” the wrong way. I am basically yelling at myself here, and all the people who have told me it is impossible, and I will fail. I am not singling out any group of people, any single person, nor am I trying to offend you if you are somewhat in this situation. Like I said before, I’m just frustrated.

So back on topic, let’s do a little experiment. Here’s my hypothesis; if someone changes their perception of reality, they will change their reality. I guess since I don’t have any volunteers, I will be experimenting on myself. What’s my current view of reality? Well, I’m broke, and don’t want to be. That’s a pretty big one. I want to be able to one day support a family, which I could not now. I want to think of myself as a success, rather than a college drop out. Most of all, I want to be able to help others, and motivate others by showing them it is possible. I want to prove to the world that a 21 year old kid who has never been good at anything in his life can turn everything around. I want to reach the end so you can read this and say, “Maybe I can do it.” I am going to start thinking of myself as a success. I am going to start changing my attitude. This is going to be difficult, but if I do it a little at a time, it should become second nature, right?

Let’s start with something that I never seemed to be able to fix. Something that irritates me like no other, and I guarantee no successful person does. I’ve had this problem since as long as I can remember; sleeping in. I’m not just talking about sleeping until 10:00 AM like some people refer to as sleeping in. My sleeping pattern has been so twisted for the past few years, and currently I am waking up around 2:00 – 3:00 PM everyday. There are even days that I lay in bed until 6:00 PM. How am I going to become successful this way? I am basically sleeping my entire day away, and then I lose motivation to do anything at night because it’s late. I need to change this. I bet if you were to poll 100 successful people, probably about 0% of them would say they sleep in past noon regularly. So, if I am successful, I can not do this anymore.

Also, I do not read as often enough. I have however read more books in the past 5 months than I have in my life, but I could have read so much more. I am going to change my one book per month goal to read 20 minutes per day. That would equal about 600 minutes per month, or 10 hours. Depending upon the length of a book, I should be able to read more than one book per month this way. I need to get in the habit to read every single day for the rest of my life; regardless if I feel like it or not. How else am I going to learn to become successful? It’s not like I am personally being mentored by someone who already completed their journey.

Writing has always made me feel better when I am in a bad mood. Sometimes I would just open up a blank document and write until I felt better. While I still feel a little bitter, I do feel better right now. I could go on, but I need to get things done. Expect an entry in a few days with a progress update. I need to get this thing going, I’ve been a slug since I started my journey; but no more!